Sidewalk 2008! A Pictographical Journey in Picto-Photos!

Wow, so as you may or may not know, I was at this year's Sidewalk Moving Pictures Festival in Birmingham, AL. MY MOM SMOKES WEED screened there. And of course, I brought a camera. And even more of course, my photos sucked!!!

But guess what, just like your Uncle Fred, I'm gonna subject you to them....

right NOW!!!



I call this one...BEHIND THE SCENES!



Actually, it's VULCAN. Not Spock's homeworld, rather the Roman God of Fire and Banana Hammocks!

We were treated to a welcome luncheon at the base of his fiery buttocks, also referred to as the Vulcan Observatory.



And what is there to observe at the observatory, other than the obligatory giant metal butt? Why, other filmmakers, of course!

Here's one of them now!



Why it's Tim Burton, director of "Terminator 2" and "Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey." You shouldn't be here, Tim. You should be on the set of your new film, "Saturdays Night Fevers!"
(editor: This is actually James M. Johnston, director of "Merrily, Merrily")



Here, David Lowery takes a photo of his favorite celebrity, the fourth floor stairwell! It truly is a "Night of 1000 Stars!"



Here, your intrepid Picto-Photo Journalist gives a "thumbs up" to the beatific skyline of Birmingham with his freakish mini-chin-fist. It truly is a grotesque sight, especially in light of the grandeur surrounding it.

Oh well, it's off to the smelter with TV's Frank V. Ross.



Birmingham's natural export is smelted iron squares. The Sidewalk filmmakers were invited to act as ambassadors of smelting. Like the mighty Vulcan himself, we smelted our little butts off, and in some cases, other body parts as well...





Look, it's smelting! And guess who smelt it?



Why, it's TV's Frank V. Ross! AGAIN! Frank is this year's recipient of the Frank V. Ross Award for Excellence in Being Frank V. Ross. "The Frankies" for short. It was a close race, this inaugural year, with Frank winning by a nose (as depicted above), and swiping the Frankie from "Bull Durham's" Natalie Portman.

Off to near fatal accident land!

Whoa! That metal looks REALLY hot! I sure hope it doesn't spill out onto someone's head!



Oh wait, look out!!!!! No!!!!



Melty! Melty! Thank God for the affirmative action policies of Alabama which require a minimum of three midget smelters per factory. If these had been full-sized smelters with a full-sized bucket, Kris probably would have been killed!



After a trip to the Birmingham Office of Desmelting, Kris Swanberg is once again right as rain. Much fun is had, and much metal is smelted. New friendships are forged and many bad metal-based puns and analogies are made.

And this was just DAY ONE! Stay tuned for DAY TWO, where I didn't take any photos because I forgot my camera was in my pocket, so you'll be staying tuned for a long long time!

For a more fair and balanced view of the further adventures of Sidewalk, please refer to David Lowery's blog here!

TTFN!